Things I believe In...(winter is not one of them)

 Yikes....this is the 4th snowstorm for us in the past ten days here in the Northeast!

It is particularly poignant to be writing this today, on a cold, snow flaked morning, in this adopted state of mind I have such a troubled relationship with. Winter and I do not always see eye to eye, to be sure, and I let that conflict overwhelm me at times. Do I stay inside, write from a closet for the next four months, or break out the hats and scarves (rubber boots would be pushing it). Always, always, my eyes widen a bit and my first words in response are usually painted in some deep blue shade of why. WHY, oh Why, is winter here already? There's no escaping the inevitable yet ever - so - polite mention of snow - sometimes with the "oh sh**" phrase attached to it. And so here I am. Some days flooded. Most days afloat.  Every once in awhile life tries to drown me, and I swim to the top. I am wearing my flip - flops around the house today, a wishful thinking that summer will come earlier this time around. Is spring here yet? Are those tulips I see? (Sitting by the water in a sweltering heat, with my mint chocolate chip ice cream cone melting down my hand...aahhh, now doesn't that sound just blissfully wonderful, as I continue to watch the snowfall outside my window?)

 
Should the occasion ever arise, I'd like to be able to rattle off a list of my truest beliefs without consulting notes or stumbling over the words.  Here’s my first draft:

Right now I'm perfectly happy, but I’ve found I’ve reached an unsettling -and somewhat surreal - time in my life. I get the feeling that being in this space, much like many other aspects of getting older is something I'll get better at with time. The world has changed. Life has changed. I am having one of those twisty conversations with myself that covers a million topics, to trace back how I got to talk about my life would require flow charts and recording devices, so I will just mosey onward with things I believe in. I believe in kindness, goodness, luck, and the importance of good juju. I believe in the Muppets, Gene Kelley, Fred Astaire, and Hallelujah, and that Leonard Cohen, is indeed, one of our greatest poets. I believe in long walks, morning runs, holding hands, and keeping the thermostat low enough to still cuddle under the blankets, but high enough, to still walk around in undergarments. I believe in hand - written letters whenever possible, but will accept digital versions if I have to. I believe in books, music, roses and doing more kissing, than actually just thinking about it. I believe in discussing / pondering plot points and characters of life. I believe in love. I believe marriage isn't right for everyone, but that everyone should consider the option. I believe in laughing every day, wiping away tears, trusting the universe (and oneself), marching to your own drummer, and appreciating the rain, cold, wet, and muddy as it may be. It cleanses. I believe Chile laced dark chocolate is better than brussel sprouts, and licking it from another's fingers is always an added plus. I believe in back roads, forward glances, sunsets, sunrises, and stopping to smell and pick the roses. I believe in coffee, girlish glamour, great shoes, and turning to check out the man you just passed on the corner. (the one with the great rear view) I believe happiness is just as worthy a goal as a corner office. I believe in saying I love you. (I believe in meaning it as well) I believe that time spent together is never wasted. I believe being alone means having the freedom to daydream, and write by lamplight until three A.M., sing along to embarrassing music that anyone in their right mind would turn off if they were there with you. But, they're not, so you can play it loudly and often. I believe in living full - throated, all - encompassing and unadorned. I believe in the journey of life, each day blowing through your entire reserve, then next day, refueling. I believe in reaching beyond your reach, where it cannot be quantified or contained. I believe in never forgetting, not the bigger things like birthdays, or even the smaller things, like the color of the dress you wore on that first date. I believe in 'quarter - life crises' rather than 'mid - life crises.' I believe in finding someone to be your daily lifeline, and keeper of your secrets. Someone to hold you up, and right your footing, repeatedly, throughout life. I believe everyone feels adrift, confused, about what their purpose in life was, or what their next step should be. I believe the markers our society uses to define success - a degree, a job, children; leads too much unneeded soul searching. I believe in finding someone to be the reason you are not off hiking by yourself somewhere, lost. I believe in giving the best and worst of you. It makes you, more or less, normal. I believe in the moment of realization - the light - bulb instant when you realize just how much purpose can be found in neglected phrases, unsolved problems, moments of guilt, despair, and long nights of feeling worthless and obsolete. Those moments make you go after things with energy and zeal. I believe to - do lists are always bigger than what is logical. I believe we are the people we meet, the dreams we have, and the conversations we engage in. That we are what we take from these. That we are each the brightest light and the darkest corner. I believe that we are a collective of every experience we have had in life. We are every single day, as existence and words run through our veins and fill our minds. I believe in letting go, and holding on, and when to know the difference. I believe everyone has their own truth, their own journey, and their own source of joy. (I believe in finding your own personal source, expanding your truths, and being unafraid to travel within your own journey)