Life's about Changing

My thought of the day is that; life is about changing. The what, the when, the where, the who, even with all of my so-called ‘Zen,' I find my emotion wildly unsympathetic at times. Whether good change or bad change, I think leaning into the change is the tipping point, which rocks the boat over. 

I learned to swim ancient years ago, at times with the tide, more times than I care to admit, against the tide. I always swam though, and safely made it to the opposing shore of somewhere, someone, and something that I had been reaching for. So, today, my thought is on yet another swim, another tide, another change I have been reaching for. Days like this I want nothing more than to just be with the change. Is it ever okay to be in a countdown of your life? if so, then admit-tingly, I am already there. 

I am counting down such a vast bucket list of ideals, a repeat visitor to this bucket daily, ducking into quiet space, just to empty my bucket onto the floor, marbles of transition and change rolling in round circle dots of color across the wood floor. Some of life changes roll further along the floorboards than others do; perhaps, they are the ones that are just still a bit out of my reach. The closer marbles I grab and roll within my fingers, touching these closest life changes, make them ever more real to me, ever more solid, as I stand firm footed alongside each of them.

 A giant question mark as to who I now am, sits right at the tip of my nose. I’ll let you know when I have the answer, when I find the answer, as to who I now am, from what I once was.

Last weekend, I expected a definite answer from myself on just exactly who I now am, because I have been quite confused: I had given up so many things in life, to do what? Wrestle hopelessly with missed decisions, and a very failed convection of past history. The answer, as you might has guessed, has yet to arrive. I am hoping this weekend's end will find itself more advantageous in the release of the finding, and find me, in a better acceptance of it all.

This small blue bottle seems very appoint today, perhaps it is the sunlight, perhaps it is simply the blue that I cling to....