Sunday, May 25, 2014

editing / emotions / life wounds

Dear Younger Version of Me,
I forgive you. Darn-it, sometimes I really wish you hadn't started me on certain paths that I am still trying to rid myself of. I realize now that you did that because of ____________and____________ and though that was really f***** up, I have compassion for you now. I do not see you as broken or wrong, just human. I love your humanity, I cherish your imperfections, and I want to accept you fully, so that I can feel like a whole person, rather than this self with a shadow I'm trying to shake. Currently, I am a little afraid of you. I've worked hard not to let the choices you made back then dictate the rest of my life.



I guess there comes a point in our lives when we realize that everything we own, every emotion we hold close, tells our story. There maybe sometimes comes yet another moment when we can’t look at all of our stuff (emotions included) without feeling all of our yesterdays puddle and threaten... to flood if we dare look down. For me, I have tried not to look down the best that I can, but my eyes seem to still sneak peeks downward at times.
I’m packing up my emotions again, putting them into the box I bought to store them in, in the back of my closet, and I’m struggling with all of them. I’ve too many emotions held onto, for way too long, and too big a tale to tell and some very sad chapters that I don’t want to remember, and yet, can't seem to  forget.  Which emotions do we hold on to, and which ones just dig deeper into our wounds?

 ........ a trail of footprints behind me........


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