My ex - husband is far worse for my health than
high fructose corn syrup could ever be. I concluded this, this past Sunday
while at Columbia University attending my daughter's (the same daughter that is
also his daughter) graduation from her Master's Program. The words "ARROGANT
ASSHOLE" do not even give him justice, sweat beading on my forehead
and upper lip as I peered the grumbling in his eyes, and the Marlboro haze
filtering from his mouth. When we look back over our lives, and OUR past
mistakes, hard to believe that we all were once so stupid and naive as to
expect (and further insist) that life would be kind to us.
There is not a moment in time that I question why I
left this man, or that if I had to do it all over again, I would leave him
sooner and with a quickened stride, not a meandering lacking confidence stride,
saying I'm sorry I really tried all the way out the door.........some how
weeping, expecting some different ending version of the fairy tale. No, it
sucked, and it sucked big-time...there is just no getting around the muckiness
of the situation.
There is just no nice way, or good housekeeping version, to state it
otherwise. Meeting up at events and dealing with your nasty ex - husband, who
has a chip the size of Mount Everest still on his shoulder, is, well, not very
pleasant a way to spend a Sunday afternoon...and this is why I have run
countless miles this past week, running away from the place he crushes inside
of me, every time he is close enough...Feeling the mud on my shin, letting it
imprint on my flesh, warm and demanding as its murkiness fills my senses. Stone
lined garden spaces gracing the space between my hipbones, as the tiniest veil
of vines drips down my leg. Sweat draping from my brow, precipitous drop of
despair, feeling the strain in the deepest of places...
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