My Mind's Eye

Nervousness, twitching, furtive clock-watching. What would he think of me?

A few months later, I found out. A second life for me,(for us,) sprung out of a complete nothingness on that first blind date.

Now I am with feet on the ground, and head in the clouds. I know that the pedals of my past life and history still creak a little bit, and so, I mostly block out those sounds that used to pester at me. I look at our wedding photo on the far wall and how many other framed photographs of us that now are born on all the opposing walls. And I try to puzzle it out, as everyone does, if she is honest with herself, why it should be that I am here now, in this place of happiness, that I have out paced and out lived the dead wood of horrible things. 

Layers of time and meaning accumulate as my mind’s eye all at once images an old photograph of me plucking at the stitches of my since gone injuries. I did not come from a family that ever had much to offer one another as far as emotion or love, condolences or gratitude, frames of sadness and unpleasantness is mostly what framed our existence together. That same broken foundation then followed me, thus matriculating itself into my first marriage, where it hung around, for years upon years. A very broken marriage, where pieces of it's jaded glass often cut right into my flesh.

 But here, today, even all of that I now hope to put aside, to breathe in this notion of happiness, the longed for peace found with this new human being that now holds my hand, and walks by my side.

My newest engagement ring and wedding band now impart a stinging blend of comfort and sadness harbored within them for me. These inanimate, un - breathing trinkets remain, untouched, echoing not, those same desperate voices and sounds of the past, but a new trilogy of what lies ahead as I reach with an open hand.... and an even larger open heart...to let him in!