Suddenly feeling fragile,
possibly on the verge of tears, my world closed in around me frame every side,
as I read the Rehearsal Dinner Speech I had prepared for the eve of my son's
wedding. I appeared calm and composed, but my hands were trembling, looking
incessantly at the room full of faces all now watching me. Feeling slightly
protected by the silence that had now fallen over the room, I began to read my
own scribbled handwriting, stained with droplets of champagne.
The end of my speech as I
read it >>
'Thank you for allowing me
to be your mother, as much as I have always taught you, you have always been
teaching me, how to be a better parent, a better parent then I would have
otherwise have been, without the blue eyed little boy making me laugh, AND CRY,
and thus forcing me to accept life on terms that may not have always been easy
for me. You taught me that the gifts in life do not sit in a bank account, but
rather, they sit in the eyes of a child whom lays their life in your hands,
unconditionally. I could not be more proud of you, or ever love you more
deeply, than I always have. Thank you for being my son."
The impossible decision I
then made, as to let him go, the footsteps were loud and rhythmic as the door
to his childhood then became closed. I felt a beautiful gift, and yet, tears
plucked at my heart, as I layered old memories around me, and watched as my son
entered manhood. I walked from the restaurant back to my hotel, kicked off my
sandals, and lay on the sofa, the fullness of my heart drew upon me like lead.
I shut my eyes, finally awakening to the melancholy of his wedding day,
childhood now having been put away in a box, and sealed with love. I went for a
run, took a shower, got dressed. I cried, I wiped my tears, blew my nose, and
drove myself to the church on time.
That day, I just know, something broke
within me. Life changes, no matter how we try to stand in its path. Children
grow, and leave you, and your job of nurturing them is now done. They become someone's
wife, or someone's husband, and all you can hope for is to get noticed, as you
stand in the background, and now, watch their life from a distance.
Life often gets
complicated, no matter how hard we try to avoid turbulent waters, in a final
burden of fate, there becomes, no wisdom!
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