purpose / beliefs / containment / hqppiness /

Right now I'm perfectly happy, but I've found that I have reached an unsettling - and somewhat surreal time - time in my life. I get the feeling that being in this space, much like many other aspects of getting older is something I'll get better with in time. The world has changed. Life has changed. I have changed. I am having one of those twisty conversations with myself that covers a million topics, to trace back how I got to talk about my life would require flow charts and recording devices, so I will just mosey onward with things I believe in. 

I believe in kindness, goodness, luck, and the importance of good juju. I believe in the Muppets, gene Kelley, Fred Astaire, and Hallelujah, and that Leonard Cohen, is indeed, one of our greatest poets. I believe in long walks, morning runs, holding hands, and keeping the thermostat low enough to still cuddle under the blankets. I believe in hand - written letters whenever possible, music, roses, and doing more kissing, than actually just thinking about it. I believe in the occasional drink, especially while discussing / pondering plot points and characters of life. 

I believe in love. I believe marriage isn't for everyone, but that everyone should consider the option. I believe in laughing every day, wiping away tears, trusting the universe (and oneself), marching to my own drummer, and appreciating the rain, cold and wet, and muddy as it may be. It cleanses. I believe dark chocolate is a birth right, I believe in back roads, forward glances, sunsets, sunrises, and stopping to both smell, and then to pick the roses. I believe in coffee, girlish glamour, great shoes, and turning to check out the man you just passed on the corner (the one with the great rear view). I believe happiness is just as worthy a goal as a corner office. I believe in saying " I love you" (I believe in meaning it as well). I believe that time spent together is never wasted. I believe being alone means having the freedom to daydream, while in your underwear, or nude, out on your back patio, and writing by lamplight until 3 a.m., singing along to embarrassing music that anyone in their right mind would turn off if they were there with you. But, they are not, so you can play it loudly, and often. I believe in living full - throated, all - encompassing and unadorned. 

I believe in the journey of life, each day blowing through your reserve, then, next day, refueling. I believe in reaching beyond your reach, where it cannot be quantified or contained. I believe in never forgetting, not the bigger things like birthdays, or even the smaller things, like the color of the dress you wore on that first date. I believe in 'quarter - life - crises' rather than 'mid - life crises'. I believe in finding someone to be your daily lifeline, and keeper of your secrets. Someone to hold you up, and right your footing, repeatedly, throughout life. I believe everyone feels adrift, confused, about what their purpose in life was, or what their next step should be. I believe the markers our society uses to define success -a degree, a job, children, leads to much unneeded soul searching. I believe in finding someone to be the reason you are not hiking by yourself somewhere, lost.

 I believe in giving the best and the worst of yourself. It makes you, more or less, normal. I believe in the moment of realization - the - light bulb instant when you realize just how much purpose can be found in neglected phrases, unsolved problems, moments of guilt, despair, and long nights of feeling worthless and obsolete. Those moments make you go after things with energy and zeal. I believe to - do lists are always bigger than what is logical and practical. 

I believe we are the people we meet, the dreams we have, and the conversations we engage in. That we take from these. That we are each the brightest light and the darkest corner. I believe that we are a collective of every experience we have had in life. We are every single day, as existence and words run through our veins and fill our minds. I believe in letting go, and holding on, and when to know the difference. I believe everyone has their own truth, their own journey, and their own source of joy(I believe in finding my own personal source) I believe the questions of life linger like a tiny splinter lodged under my skin, unnoticed when touched and then the annoyance lingers past the pain...have I finally found what I have been looking for?