Right now I'm perfectly happy, but
I've found that I have reached an unsettling - and somewhat surreal time - time
in my life. I get the feeling that being in this space, much like many other
aspects of getting older is something I'll get better with in time. The world
has changed. Life has changed. I have changed. I am having one of those twisty
conversations with myself that covers a million topics, to trace back how I got
to talk about my life would require flow charts and recording devices, so I will
just mosey onward with things I believe in.
I believe in kindness, goodness,
luck, and the importance of good juju. I believe in the Muppets, gene Kelley,
Fred Astaire, and Hallelujah, and that Leonard Cohen, is indeed, one of our
greatest poets. I believe in long walks, morning runs, holding hands, and
keeping the thermostat low enough to still cuddle under the blankets. I believe
in hand - written letters whenever possible, music, roses, and doing more
kissing, than actually just thinking about it. I believe in the occasional
drink, especially while discussing / pondering plot points and characters of
life.
I believe in love. I believe marriage isn't for everyone, but that
everyone should consider the option. I believe in laughing every day, wiping
away tears, trusting the universe (and oneself), marching to my own drummer, and
appreciating the rain, cold and wet, and muddy as it may be. It cleanses. I
believe dark chocolate is a birth right, I believe in back roads, forward
glances, sunsets, sunrises, and stopping to both smell, and then to pick the
roses. I believe in coffee, girlish glamour, great shoes, and turning to check
out the man you just passed on the corner (the one with the great rear view). I
believe happiness is just as worthy a goal as a corner office. I believe in
saying " I love you" (I believe in meaning it as well). I believe
that time spent together is never wasted. I believe being alone means having
the freedom to daydream, while in your underwear, or nude, out on your back
patio, and writing by lamplight until 3 a.m., singing along to embarrassing music
that anyone in their right mind would turn off if they were there with you.
But, they are not, so you can play it loudly, and often. I believe in living
full - throated, all - encompassing and unadorned.
I believe in the journey of
life, each day blowing through your reserve, then, next day, refueling. I
believe in reaching beyond your reach, where it cannot be quantified or
contained. I believe in never forgetting, not the bigger things like birthdays,
or even the smaller things, like the color of the dress you wore on that first
date. I believe in 'quarter - life - crises' rather than 'mid - life crises'. I
believe in finding someone to be your daily lifeline, and keeper of your
secrets. Someone to hold you up, and right your footing, repeatedly, throughout
life. I believe everyone feels adrift, confused, about what their purpose in
life was, or what their next step should be. I believe the markers our society
uses to define success -a degree, a job, children, leads to much unneeded soul
searching. I believe in finding someone to be the reason you are not hiking by
yourself somewhere, lost.
I believe in giving the best and the worst of
yourself. It makes you, more or less, normal. I believe in the moment of
realization - the - light bulb instant when you realize just how much purpose
can be found in neglected phrases, unsolved problems, moments of guilt,
despair, and long nights of feeling worthless and obsolete. Those moments make
you go after things with energy and zeal. I believe to - do lists are always
bigger than what is logical and practical.
I believe we are the people we meet,
the dreams we have, and the conversations we engage in. That we take from
these. That we are each the brightest light and the darkest corner. I believe
that we are a collective of every experience we have had in life. We are every
single day, as existence and words run through our veins and fill our minds. I
believe in letting go, and holding on, and when to know the difference. I
believe everyone has their own truth, their own journey, and their own source
of joy(I believe in
finding my own personal source) I believe the questions of life linger like a
tiny splinter lodged under my skin, unnoticed when touched and then the
annoyance lingers past the pain...have I finally found what I have been looking
for?
