2013 In a Shoebox

Rockefellar Center
So, more than not, I think over 2013, and think, the burden of bullshit that I had had to black - marker off of my 2013 year calendar now sits happily, NOT, on my 2014 calendar. A haploid of changes took place in my life, some good (I got remarried), some not so good, (marred by petty envy, dictated moral codes, jealousies, and someone else's undue stress and unhappiness or baggage, slowly seeping into my life seat (you know how that goes, just grab a box of Kleenex and cling to it)

Sadness often beat the loudest drum for me, because it has such an unfair advantage over me, sucking my eyes and thoughts so dry, that there was never tears left for happiness, the ones you cry at weddings, baby first steps, and kids moving up and out (leaving an unattached string, finally, to my wallet)~

I slept better at night, though, still, admittedly, I shot up in bed in the dark of the night from a dead sleep, like a propane tank on fire (ghosts of past still haunted at me, at times)~

I moved, I moved - in, put my clothes on hangers in the closet next to his (my new husband's), admittedly, I shoved all of his clothes over into 1/3 the space, so I could have control over the 2/3 space left. (My clothes really warrant 2/3 spaces when having closet debates)~

I increased my yoga practice, breathed deep and deeper, postured better, held & balanced better, became amazing at "crane", and oh, my 'corpse' is identical to any man or woman lying stiff in a coffin...in perfect peaceful surrender~

I accepted, I handled, I managed, I forgave, (alright, maybe the forgave not so much, but I gave it one hell of a sure thumbs up try, I forgave the jerk in the antique jewelry store right before Christmas for being the biggest asshole on the planet. I really felt that THAT was very big and forgiving of me)~

I ran everyday, my worn out sneakers will testify to that.... except the day the blizzard arrived where I slipped on the F****** ice patch UNDER the snow when I went to go shovel the driveway. That day, I just muttered, "screw the gods of winter, let me go back inside and just sip hot chocolate." And so I did~

I bought sex toys, oh yes indeed, I did. I put the batteries in them (AND bought backup batteries, just in case) and used them with my husband. Pretty girl next door, I am no more! Now I am armed and dangerous, with a vibrator and French Maid Outfit and a hadnful of other unmentioned novelties. (Oh, and you have to adorn a pair of high heels, why do anything only half heartedly?)

Looked at my divorce papers one last time, wiped at the signatures, just to verify they were still permanent ink, then rid that abusive asshole life goodbye (sorry kids)

I flew a lot. Realized I may be one of the few that baths daily, or purchases 'middle seat' tickets. On one back - from Denver trip, the wing looked pretty damn enticing if I could only have opened the window without reducing cabin pressure thus sending the plane into a nose dive, I would have climbed out and camped out on that wing until we landed. Not to say I do not like people, but no, not ones that pass wind on an airplane, while sitting next to me. That is just so outdated!

I had the stomach bug of the Century the day after Thanksgiving that lasted until Monday. (Do the math) There was more vomit and other bodily expulsions then I can ever remember cleaning up after, after raising three children. I mean it was like a tsunami hit, and it hit me hard, square in the gut. Lost six pounds, (that apparently my sister had wanted to loose), so I took six back from her.

In all, I learned to like myself, to forgive myself for mistakes, and for a bucket of bad choices that sat as bricks on my shoulders. I learned to take care of me, because, like it or not, no one can ever care or love you, more than you yourself can, or do... 

2014, Bring it on, I am armed and ready to take you on!